Balancing Boundaries and Relationships

If you are anything like me finding balance in some things is a challenge. I find what I intensely focus on thrives, but I put so much of my energy into that other aspects of life seem to fall to the wayside. For instance. In the later part of 2019 I felt a shift in my life. I have always been that person that tries to do for everyone. If a friend was having a rough time, had a bad day, had surgery, just needed to talk etc I would make the time to spend with them. Usually that meant later in the evenings after dinner and the kids were in bed. However,  I found that late nights at a friends during the week  led to tired mornings and rough days because I didn't get enough sleep.

I find myself feeling as though every time myself or my family was invited to do something we did it. I would catch myself feeling bad if I didn't take people up on their offer to have dinner with them or go shopping etc. However, I found that saying yes to everything usually ends in burnout and for me feelings of overwhelm and sadness.

Going everywhere and doing everything for and with everyone led to me not managing things at home like I would want, because when we finally were home for a while I was too tired tired to do 4 loads of laundry or sweep and mop the floor. Around October 2019 after the death of my grandfather something shifted. I got a call from my dad and jumped on a plane that night to try and make it to see Grandpa before he passed as the doctors were sure that was the rout he was on. I was in Arizona for 5 days and when I came home I visited a friend. Through our conversation I realized just how burned out I was. How tired I was. Some of that of course was grief and dealing with my first "big loss" but I knew it was more than that! It was then that I decided to take care of me and my family first!


I know you may be thinking dah, that's what your supposed to do! But, to me, this is a big deal. I had to learn that I cannot do everything. I just cant. Don't get me wrong we were still busy, between after school activities like musical practice and rock climbing for my son and cheerleading for my daughter there is plenty of "mandatory" practices and activities, but I found myself turning down Sunday night dinner with dear friends of ours down the street. I wasn't doing the week night visits for girlfriends that I was before, and our weekend plans were more skeletal than normal. It was really nice, freeing almost and I was able to get a handle on things around home, as well as work through my sadness and grief. I needed the space and time!

While that all sounds great this was vastly different than what the people in our life were used to. I kept getting comments like "Man, where have you been?" or "Haven't seen you around in a while." or "I thought you were mad at us, you haven't been coming around." While I can appreciate the open communication from our friends I couldn't help but almost feel offended. These are my friends, how could they not be happy for me? How could they not see that I desperately needed this!? That's when I realized that it was in part my fault. If the whole relationship I have been one way and have not established good boundaries for myself and my family, of course that would be expected to be continued. It is up to you to set boundaries in your life that you are comfortable with. Boundaries that ensure that you have fun and are included, but not burnt out and overwhelmed.

Here's the thing. Its nobody elses job to take care of me and realize that I needed that time. Just like its not my job to make sure that everyone else is okay! *lightbulb* That being said, this is when I realized the epiphany in the first paragraph. When I started focusing on myself, my family, and my home that was thriving, and my other relationships were strained. I left dear friends thinking that I was mad, or didn't want to spend time with them.. Fail! In an effort to find a good balance I decided I don't need to be physically present or go to every gathering to make sure that we still have a connection to our friends and family. I just have to check in!

Checking in can be hard. We all have lives, but it only takes 5-15 seconds to send a text. I decided that as long as I was checking in via text with people we can still be connected. We can still catch up and know whats going on in each others lives. Because of who I am as a person I made a list of the people I want to check in with. When I have a moment waiting for the dogs to come in so we can leave, or waiting for kids to get shoes and coats on etc. I can look at my list in the notes app on my phone and shoot a quick text to someone. This by no means is a replacement for presence. There are times your presence is required. There are times you will have planned events. Go, have fun! Just know you don't have to and cannot do everything!

I hope you found this relate-able. More than that, I hope that you feel confident moving forward with creating your own balance and boundaries that work for you and your family!

The De-Clutter Bug

Okay ya'll, picture this... Its Mid-January and you just (barely) made it out of the holiday season. While you may not be stressing about finding the perfect gift, making it to every gathering and what your preparing for your holiday meal a different kind of stress creeps in.. All the STUFF! There is stuff everywhere!! There is generally more stuff in your home around the holidays than any other time anyways due to all the decorations. Once you add a tree and one of those cutie villages, maybe a snowman collection etc. you already have drastically decreased the amount of usable space in your home. Then you have the approximately 174 new items entering your home due to yourself and your family receiving holiday gifts!! Don't get me wrong, we are so thankful to our generous friends and family and their giving hearts, as I'm sure you are! That being said... Where are we going to put all this?!

I think this overwhelming feeling is why January is the time that a lot of people get bit by the de-clutter bug! You see, if you're like me, you can be a little clutter blind.. We have lived in our house for seven years and I found that I got decent at re-organizing all of our stuff! That sounds great, doesn't it?! Sure, that sounds fantastic. But the fact remained that when I would do the task of organizing (surely when things got out of control and stressed me out) I was never really getting rid of anything!! I was looking at these items like wow I forgot about this, and filing it away in its new tidy little spot. Everything got organized and I could breath! I felt this sense of accomplishment! The unfortunate thing is I never did anything long term to keep that stress from creeping back in. Depending on the area and how highly trafficked it is by my family my organizational efforts didn't last long and to put it simply its because there was just too much stuff!

Gone are the days of me re organizing everything that in my  house to look neater than before. I am now going through everything in my house and getting rid of items that no longer serve us, and by default having less things. Less things is less to organize and keep track of. Less to be out of place. Less to stress you out!! This is not a novel idea to some people but for me it was! Bare with me here... I am by no means what I would consider a minimalist, and I am not telling you to get rid of all of your worldly possessions, but what if we just got rid of what we didn't need? What if we just got your to your ability threshold, and in a place where your home can stay under control for more than a few hours even with kids! I'm telling you de-cluttering is the way to go, and truly such a relieved free feeling! If you're feeling like I was I want to help! Below you can find my top 4 de-cluttering tips in no particular order to get  you started on your journey.

1. Start with the easy stuff first! De-clutter your bathroom, laundry room or linen closet first. There typically isn't anything in these areas that is going to be super sentimental and hard to get rid of. Is it expired toss it. Do you even have a toddler mattress in the house anymore? No? Donate the sheets!

2. De-clutter your main living areas. The ones that are highly used and trafficked by your family. When you do this and start to love walking into a room because it looks better than before and isn't visually stressful you will want that in more areas of your home. When you start to see that it doesn't take long to clean up that room any longer, you will want that in more areas of your home.

3. Take everything out of the area you are cleaning. Don't leave any one thing in the back corner. Take it out. This will do a couple of things it will help you realize how much you have, and nobody needs that much lotion Linda! It will also ensure you give every item your individual attention to assess if this item still meets your needs OR if you should toss or donate it.

4. Do one area at a time. Even if you are tackling the whole room do it in sections. One area at a time. It is hard to take every item out of every shelf/cabinet in a whole room at one time and still function. Not to mention it can be very overwhelming. So instead break it down one cabinet at a time. One shelf at a time. One little area soon becomes a whole room and then a whole house!

I hope these few tips help you in some way! This is my first post regarding de-cluttering but it wont be my last! Comment below if you have any questions or if you have tips of your own that you would like to share!

Help! I Have Fallen Off the Wagon!!!

Well, from the looks of it I haven't done a blog entry in almost 7 years!! SEVEN! Goodness, how time flies. Well with it being the new year I figured I would crawl my happy behind back up on the wagon and get some creative juices flowing again! I am in a different place in life than I was seven years ago, yet somehow, in the same place.... Let me explain. Seven years ago my son was a toddler, 2 years old to be exact and I had the focus of making his life a good one full of those great childhood memories. I was going to be that BOMB MOMMY! Since then, he has grown up a bit, we added a daughter (now 4) to the mix and a another dog. Our old cat is no longer with us and we have a new family cat. Both my husband and I have moved jobs and are currently working in the aviation industry, and while no time is ever the "perfect" time to add something to your plate I finally feel as though my life has a rhythm that works for us. So why not start blogging consistently?!

I think through the ups and downs of life I still most of the time am able to balance being a mom and wife with working full time. Trying to keep up with friends and family while also learning that my time is valuable and I shouldn't be saying yes to everything. Now that I am back,  I will be sharing with you how I try to keep that balance, some of our traditions that I have carefully curated through the years, and some of our adventures. As great as that all sounds, we are all human so I will be sharing some speed bumps or challenges we face along the way as well. I hope that you enjoy!